I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
