so that wasnt chicken after all
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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