we have pet lesbian snakes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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