Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
