I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
