we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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