True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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