just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
