I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
