he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
