Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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