Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
