i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
