I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I supernannyed him into submission
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
