you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
