so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
