Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
