Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
