remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
