Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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