I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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