Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
