butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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