Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
