oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
