Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
