oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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