She announced her abortion via fbk
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
