i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
