i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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