wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
