Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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