69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
