I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
