Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
