Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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