God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
