my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
