The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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