I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
