Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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