my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
