i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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