I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
