smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
