im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
