I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
