Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
