Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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