Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
