hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
